My joyful memories of Christmas were changed by an unbearably sad diagnosis

I grew up in a warm, loving family, but we never really had money to spend on Christmas. Even so, this time of year always brought a little joy in a gloomy winter. As a child, we would always be invited to celebrate Christmas with others, and I can still remember the excitement of receiving small treasures tucked inside a stocking. 

As an adult, I really go to town. I love the twinkling lights, the rich food, and the sense of togetherness that comes with the season. When the days are grey and heavy, the festivities bring a bit of colour into everyday life. My dad loved this time of year too. I have such lovely, joyful memories of spending the festive time together. But when my father was diagnosed with dementia, things changed. Christmas time became difficult – sometimes painful, sometimes just unbearably sad.

This Christmas, I want to speak to those who know exactly what that feels like. Those of you who are trying to make sense of a season built on nostalgia and memory, at a time when memory itself has become fragile. Dementia is the UK’s biggest killer, and nearly one million people live with the condition. But dementia affects so many more. Behind each diagnosis is often a circle of husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends, grandchildren and neighbours who feel its impact at Christmas in ways words often can’t reach.

For some of you reading this, Christmas will feel especially difficult because this is the first without the person you love. Grief at this time of year can feel particularly hard, when you’re expected to celebrate but your heart feels heavy.

For others, this Christmas will be the first time you notice something might be wrong. Extended family time means you may spot some signs – a forgetfulness that wasn’t there before, unexplained confusion or reactions that seem out of character. It can be upsetting to witness these early symptoms. If you are worried, please don’t wait; an early and accurate diagnosis is crucial as it opens the door to support and treatment.

Families who are affected by dementia can find that Christmas can still spark moments of real joy. So much of dementia care is about triggering memories and this time of year is full of opportunities to remember. A familiar carol, a favourite decoration or an old family recipe that invites everyone to reminisce about the many years spent together.

But it can also be noisy, busy and unpredictable. Crackers snapping, music everywhere, people coming and going. Even the smallest changes, a different routine or an extra chair at the table, can feel destabilising to someone whose world is already shifting. The ability to celebrate loudly can be lost when you are sharing Christmas with someone living with dementia.